Guidelines for Sharing in a Contemplative Group
from the book Centering Prayer for Everyone
Talking about prayer and the inner life is a new experience for many people. In order to bring the same kind of attention to discourse that we bring to contemplative prayer we may need to learn a new way of speaking and listening. Spiritual sharing can be intense and even a bit frightening when we reveal things about our inner selves that leave us feeling tender and exposed. Everyday conversation has a kind of gravitational pull that tends to draw us back out of the contemplative space when we try to use the familiar habits of casual conversation to temper this more heartfelt way of talking and relieve the anxiety it may provoke. Clear guidelines for spiritual discourse can help us to create a safe environment and honor the nature of what is being said as we talk about the life of the spirit.
There are four different modes of discourse that might be used at one time or another in a contemplative group:
Regular conversation—Casual, everyday conversation tends to be unstructured and spontaneous, without limits on crosstalk and intellectuality. There are rarely any clearly defined guidelines. You can offer opinions and interrupt others as you choose. The group might use casual conversational style as the participants enter and leave, before and after the more formal meeting of the group. Alternatively, the group might decide that it prefers to convene and leave in silence.
Religious discussion—It’s common to talk about spiritual and religious subjects in this same everyday manner. When you are having an intellectual conversation about theology you might allow for crosstalk and arguments, interrupt each other, and speak largely in terms of abstract ideas. A group might allow time for such a discussion after the formal conclusion of the prayer time when participants could discuss scholarly interpretations of the scriptural passage just used in lectio divina, debating the meaning of certain words, the sociological context, or the theological implications. Such a discussion is not appropriate during the lectio divina since it would lead away from speaking from the heart.
Lectio divina—The chapter on lectio divina has already described guidelines for use in that very particular form of interaction. In lectio divina you speak from the heart, letting go of more intellectual, studious, or effortful ways of thinking and entering a state in which you are quiet and receptive to God’s voice. Listening for an inner voice from deep within yourself, you share from this inner experience, usually using “I” statements. Reflections during lectio divina tend to be short and simple depending on the size and experience of the group.
Spiritual sharing—Spiritual sharing is closely related to sharing in lectio divina, heartfelt and often quite structured, but may be lengthier and leave more room for spontaneity and digression. In its greater freedom there is more risk of being drawn back into everyday conversation. The leader must often be attentive and firm to help the group maintain the integrity of the sharing.
A few simple guidelines can protect this integrity, helping the group to speak in a more contemplative manner, from the heart, with an expectation that others will respond in kind.
Guidelines for Spiritual Sharing
We listen attentively and without interruption when someone else is speaking.
We share experiences from our own lives, not abstract ideas. We use “I” statements.
We try to make sure that everyone has an opportunity to speak, but no one is required to. We do not lecture or dominate the group time with our own speaking.
We do not give advice, criticize, or comment on what others share.
We keep our sharing in the group absolutely confidential.
These simple guidelines encourage us to avoid crosstalk in which we speak casually back and forth. Without crosstalk we are more likely to listen carefully and openly instead of thinking about what we are going to say next. We are invited to speak from our own experience without assuming that we know all the answers and can solve other peoples’ problems. These guidelines provide an opportunity for every participant to speak in a meaningful way if they so choose without having to aggressively push for a space for themselves in the conversation.
These guidelines may leave some of us feeling confused. How do we even have a conversation without giving advice or talking about abstract ideas? Doesn’t being spiritual mean trying to fix or save other people? Our culture encourages us to speak in abstract language about an objective, universal reality that may not actually exist. In contrast, in spiritual sharing we are encouraged to speak from a subjective place. We might resist this as too personal, irrational, and overly revealing. However, if we speak out of our own experience we know we are speaking truth, whereas if we claim to speak about an objective, universal truth then we may seem to others to be trying to impose our own view of reality, insisting that we have some special knowledge that they don’t have. When we speak from a more heartfelt place, safe in the knowledge that we won’t be interrupted or criticized, we can feel ourselves gaining access to a deeper, wiser part of ourselves and allowing it to speak.